Amelia sits like that staring out the window for near an hour. Fifteen minutes on the tail end of it, she cries, but it's silent. It's only meant to be to herself. So much has changed. She has to go through this whole house, room by room, go through every project she had and weed out the madness.
She feels dirty, like this black oily mess seeped into her life and sullied up everything. "I'm so sorry," she finally says softly. "I was scared. Scared, really, out of my mind. And I feel that way now, and it was so fast, so sudden, I didn't even know. Everything seemed like it made sense so what if I just go back there? What if I become that again, what if I am that?"
She looks over at him, trying to wipe her face clean, at the same time replacing the dry stretches with new tears. "I wanna kill him, Caleb. I want to put him out of my misery, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way, how to not want to make him suffer like he made me suffer. What if I don't know how to be anything but a monster?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-02-22 02:31 am (UTC)She feels dirty, like this black oily mess seeped into her life and sullied up everything. "I'm so sorry," she finally says softly. "I was scared. Scared, really, out of my mind. And I feel that way now, and it was so fast, so sudden, I didn't even know. Everything seemed like it made sense so what if I just go back there? What if I become that again, what if I am that?"
She looks over at him, trying to wipe her face clean, at the same time replacing the dry stretches with new tears. "I wanna kill him, Caleb. I want to put him out of my misery, and I don't know how to stop feeling this way, how to not want to make him suffer like he made me suffer. What if I don't know how to be anything but a monster?"