What's the next step?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_bird_of_flame_/]

So, I've asked someone out and sort of obliquely asked been asked out by someone.

I'm still not there yet. Like I said to Jesse, though, I feel really, really stupid feeling so messed up over... nothing. Nothing ever happened, I never made a move, I never tried for it. It doesn't mean I don't feel like there is this emptiness or from time to time this slow throb in my chest.

I still feel really pathetic about it. It doesn't help that I seem to be reacting with my hormones instead of any sort of logic or anything like that. No, I'm just thinking about getting someone into bed. Which has got to be the worst idea ever on my part.

I don't know what to do right now. I want to be with someone but I don't want to just do that because I'm lonely now. That's horrible.

Bette presses up to a handstand on the upper half of the uneven bars. This is really her favorite of the gymnastics apparati. She feels that she can do the most with it. For the moment, though, she holds herself upside down, handstanding on the bar, eyes closed.