(no subject)

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

The visit from Selena had been a surprise, not unpleasant but not expected either. Diana hoped things had gone well since she left.

Dick had left a message that he was looking for her. Since she was out and about anyway and wanted to get back to John she told him she'd meet him on the way in Bludhaven.

The snow is beautiful when you fly, as long as you don't get cold, and when she lands her hair is wreathed in snowflakes. She did wear clothes over her costume, it disturbs most people when she is out in the cold without something warm looking for some reason.

"It is good to see you." Diana shakes the moisture out of her hair with a smile.

Comments

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Nightwing is waiting for her on the rooftop of the McCullar building, his breath wisping into the frigid, early dawn. Last stop before he goes home. It's been a long night, so he's not really feeling the cold. Beating on lowlives and dodging bullets tends to get the circulation going, and most of the time that circulation even gets to stay in his body.

He's perched on a stone promontory that overlooks downtown, looking almost like part of the architecture.

Can't think where he gets that from.

He straightens on his treacherous perch, turning easily on the slick stone to look at her.

Hey.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

She's cheating, her feet aren't sinking nearly as deep in the snow as they should.

"All the fires put out for the night?" She looks over the city then back at him. Even Bludhaven is beautiful in a fresh snow, actually moreso because of its architecture.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

He offers her a crooked smile as he slides effortlessly down the promontory and onto the roof proper. A soft -whump- of snow is the only sound his boots make.

For now. How're you doing?

Small talk, while he retrieves a small package from where he stashed it at the beginning of patrol.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"I am good, it is a good time of year. We were able to fill almost all of the wishlists this year." She tips her head back and lets a snowflake fall on her tongue but then makes a face.

"At least they are cleaning the pollution from the air." A small shudder at the taste of smog on the back of her tongue.

"I assume Mary was spoiled rotten by everyone this year?"

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it.

The smile turns into a distinctly parental grin.

She made out like a bandit. Of course, she spent most of her time playing with the boxes and paper everything came in.

He approaches, and offers her a small gift bag.

I wanted to give you your Christmas present from us.

Inside the bag, there's a small photo album - more photos of Mary from the last year, of course - and a delicate-looking Christmas tree ornament that is an exact replica of a Faberge egg in miniature (Barbara's idea). Inside the card, there's also a sizeable check for Diana's foundation.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Oh thank you! There was no need but these are beautiful." She has to stop and look through the photos of Mary.

Donations to the Wonder Woman foundation are always welcome, they have stretched the finances with the holidays and winter needs.

Dick and Barbara already received notice she'd made donations in their name but she has a package in her pocket for Mary.

Its a small Lyre made of brass with metal strings. Very hardy and unbreakable for small hands.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

He turns the small thing over in his hands carefully, regardless.

It sure beats a recorder. Thankyou.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

She chuckles at his care.

"It is very strong, you cannot hurt it. And I hope it will allow her to explore the sounds without being as loud as most modern instruments." Diana plucks a string with one finger and it gives a soft tone, much lower than even a guitar.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Definitely better than a recorder, he asserts with a smile as the note drifts lazily into the air.

Now how to broach the other, less cheerful subject. You'd think after talking to Superman, this part would be easy.

He brushes a gloved thumb over the small lyre's raised decoration.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"I take it that there was more to meeting me than exchanging gifts?" She has everything back in the bag, each was tucked away with a small smile.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

At least he isn't putting oatmeal in the coffee machine right now like when he talked to Superman.

Yeah, there is.

Only now, there's that truth thing to deal with. He takes a breath, looking out over the city while he tries to find the right words.

I didn't really get a chance to talk to you after... that mess at S.T.A.R. labs.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"It was a rather busy time with the events happening all one after the other." She takes a few steps to sit on the balustade of the building.

"But we should have made time. I have been remiss in that."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

A twist of his lips into something close to a grimace.

Well, I have to admit I was... kind of avoiding everyone for a while.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"I think many of us were." She tilts her head slightly looking away at the sky.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

I shouldn't have. I'm not supposed to shirk my responsibilities like I did.

I'm also not supposed to lose it and have to be pulled off a perp, he doesn't add.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"It is not shirking your responsibilities to care for the hurts to yourself. I am confident that you would have made the approach earlier had it been necessary." She smiles slightly.

"You are still making the approach even with the time that has gone by, I do not think you would have let it slide."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Conscience wouldn't let me.

It's sort of an attempt at humor.

I know that we were mentally nudged to do what we did. But I led the team there, and mind-control or not, I'm responsible for what happened that day, whether I like it or not.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"And that is what makes you a good leader." She appreciates the attempt at humor, its the main difference between him and Bruce that there is still levity at times like this.

"As I am responsible for the League and their actions as well. It is always hard when comraderie can be turned to anger so easily by one outside, it makes you feel like you do not know your team as well as you should."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

There's a pause as her words linger in the air.

Or yourself.

There are few sounds more sickening to him than the sounds of his parents' fall. What happened at S.T.A.R. ranks at #2 on that really short list.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"That too." She has been affected, turned against friends by manipulation and magic. It always leaves a foul feel behind.

"You wonder if this is within you all the time." it's not clear if she's speaking of Nightwing or herself.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

It's not the first time for him, either. But he's aware that his anger can take him over the edge. He's let it happen twice, and there was no mind control going on then. Once with Joker, then with Shimmer barely an hour or so after the S.T.A.R. labs showdown with the League. He doesn't wonder. He knows.

Everyone has a limit. Everyone has a breaking point.

It's not an excuse. It sure as hell doesn't make him feel any better.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Yes." and it shouldn't make him feel better that they do.

"The best one can do is be aware of the beast within and be ready. But there will always be something we cannot stand against whether it be a foe on the battlefield or the traps within our heart." The Amazons had fallen prey to that when they killed Heracles army.

"It is not a thing to bring comfort, but there is a saying Only a man with chaos inside can give birth to a burning star. If we do not have both the dark and the light to work with is it any value to do good deed? We are overcoming nothing if there is nothing inside us to fight against."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Dawn is creeping ever closer, fingers of dusky violet poking at the fabric of the cold night.

It's hard to know how to trust your own instincts after something like that. But I guess that's supposed to somehow be the difference between us and someone like Light.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

That brings on a genuine smile.

"The fact that you worry that there is a difference is the main difference. Do not worry, you will do well."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

It hit the others hard. Really hard. I don't know how to help them get over that.

He remembers Jesse's face after the fight. All of them, gathered on the observation deck, expressions loaded with self-doubt. Tired, and battered; and ashamed.

I don't know if -I'm- really over that.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"This kind of thing...it is not an easy wound to heal. And it does not show on the outside so it may be hidden away to eat at ones confidence." She lays a hand on his arm, there is sadness in her expression that shows she's had that happen to herself.

"You share it if you can, those who are your family and team you should face it together." She should speak to Starfire as well, they had made a tenuous truce before hopefully this had not torn that beyond repair.

"None of us can be everything on our own, I had to let Kal tell me I had done what I could after and still I did not believe it fully. But I believe his words more than my own thoughts."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

What's he said to Babs before now, about being everything to everyone and nothing to herself? Maybe he should take his own advice once in a while.

Titans in group therapy. I can see it now.

He only partially manages to stifle the snort of laughter at the idea.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

She can't help but laugh a little as well.

"There may be too much for either team to do group therapy...after all we are a little insane for what we do."

"You want to help them, but allow them to help you as well, even the healer needs healing."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Only a little? There probably aren't enough days in the week for all the therapy we'd need.

The smile he offers her fades after a moment.

I don't know, Diana. I'm trying to just put it behind me, but...

He trails off. It's hard to put something like that in the past, when it's still so new and raw.

I have a hard time forgiving myself. Seems like everyone else has already forgiven us, but I don't know if we're letting ourselves believe it.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Then maybe it is not time to put it behind you. Maybe it is time to face it."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

I see it every morning when I go to sleep, Diana.

That came out a little more sharply than he'd intended, and he regrets it the moment the words leave his lips.

Sorry.

A long pause.

I don't understand how rehashing it all can make it all better, somehow.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Not rehash it, you can talk it over a million times without making a difference. Be together, relearn that your team will catch each other if they fall." She sighs, it's not something she can easily put into words.

"You have lost confidence in yourself, if it was a fall you would try the jump again so that fear would not set in and make the next time that much harder. This is loss of confidence in your control, your empathy and skills that happened while working as a team. Come back together as a team and face that you failed or it will just grow harder with time." She holds her arms out showing the bracelets to him.

"It is a visible symbol for me of a time we failed, it helps me remember and face it every day of my life and I still feel that failure. But I can live with it."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

So is proposing a splinter group such a great idea as a result?

God, he doesn't know what a good idea -is- lately.

He touches the bracelets with a respect usually reserved for the most sacred of things, watching the reflections within the metal briefly.

I don't want to be defined by how I screwed up.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Then be defined by how you dealt with it afterwards. Everyone falls Dick, it is a measure of their character whether they get back up or give in."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

So far? He's not done so hot. At least, not by his standards. He's not sure he has a good reply to that, so he opts for a simple nod instead.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

He's a lot like Bruce, she's fairly sure he's not every going to be 100% happy with what he does.

"I will help you however I can, you know that, but much of this has to come from within."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

He wouldn't even know what to ask for.

Yeah, I know.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

She has ways she could help but she's not sure they are what he is looking for.

"If you desire clarity, to see the truth within you and know that it is nothing but the truth...that I can help you with. But it is not a pleasant thing."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Truth rarely is. But like you said... I can't keep running from it.

After another prolonged silence, he nods his assent.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

She nods and stands up, taking the lasso off of her belt.

"If it is too much tell me and I will release it." The lasso shows the truth, its a tool and a focus for Diana's own innate self so it's more flexible than just forcing someone to not lie. It can also be used to look within and see without the many lies we tell ourselves as well.

It is not a comfortable action...but then truth rarely is. Diana tests herself with it every morning because of what she is.

She loops it around Nightwing and it glows with golden fire matching the dawn in the clouds.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

The sensation is something he'll later compare to that of an out-of-body experience. It's dizzying and intense, a clash of his internal view of himself and that which -is-.

It's profoundly unsettling.

Moments pass.

Then:

....oh.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

There's no way to share what you experience when you look at yourself with the truth.

"I hope that it helps."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

A long pause, while he gathers his thoughts.

Me, too. Thanks, Diana.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"Anytime." The lasso is coiled and hooked back to her belt.

"It has been a long cold night for you, eat, rest and renew your body and let Mary renew your spirit."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

You're always welcome to come see her.

He pushes a hand through his damp hair, mussing it roughly as he takes a long, deep breath to calm himself.

We wouldn't have her if it weren't for you.

[amazon-diana.livejournal.com]

"There would have been a way if not for me, you were destined to be her parents I think." She smiles, the mention of Mary never fails to bring a lightening off spirit.

"I will come visit then, tomorrow I think. You should have time to process the things you have seen and not have to play host to me."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

The grapple hook is in his hand once more as he nods to her. He's got a lot to think about, but the weight on his shoulders seems much lighter now.

I'll give Babs the headsup. Take care. And... merry Christmas.

And with a swift, well-practised move, he launches from the building into the dawn.