Still no knowing

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia is taking some time to herself in Portsmouth. She's supposed to get getting in contact with Kilowog but right now, she's sitting on the rooftop of the building, watching the sun rise. There is a small sigh from her as she watches the yellow ball climb up into the blue sky.

She still doesn't know. She still has no idea at all of how she will deal with Hal. She still needs further rest, in order to finish healing. Right this moment she feels that she could sleep for a few days but she's taking peace where she can get it.

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[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

But it's Hal who finds her. He lands gently on the rooftop behind her without saying a word. He doesn't approach yet, nor does he say anything. He just... waits.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

If she knows he's there, she doesn't do anything. Not yet. For the moment, she's just watching the sun rise. It says a lot, if she's aware of him that she is willing to leave herself vulnerable to him, not protecting herself at all. Then again, she's not turning to throw herself at him in greeting, either.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

He slowly moves nearer to her, and he sits to watch the sunrise next to her.

Still he says nothing.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

After a few minutes, Arisia turns to looks at him. There is a small smile, an uncertain expression, before she turns back to look at the sun.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

He reaches out a hand, the palm open... waiting for a hand to take his.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

It is awhile in coming.

Eventually her hand joins his, though the why of it is hard to determine.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

Finally, words.

"I'm... so sorry, Ari."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

"I know."

The words are soft and followed by an exhalation. It isn't really a sigh, just more of a releasing.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

Hal gives the hand a squeeze, and he remains silent while the sun rises.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

And Arisia doesn't know what else to say right now.

She wants to say something but she really doesn't know what to say at all.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

Once the sun has risen, he finally speaks up again.

"I wish... I could promise that it will never happen again. But... I don't know that I could keep that promise, no matter how hard I try."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

This time the response is even softer, "I know."

Breathing in, out and then in again, "I don't blame you." It is just hard to deal with.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"I'm... glad."

He looks down a moment.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia looks at him, squeezing his hand, "If I could take the sorrow..."

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"You took enough," he says simply.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia looks down, the words striking a little more closely than she would have wanted. Ther eisn't much for her to feel guilty abut but it happens nonetheless.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"So... what do we do from here?"

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

"I don't know, Hal."

"I still love you."

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

That almost sounds like it needs a "but" at the end of it, though he doesn't hear it. So he instead breathes out slowly.

"I love you too."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Carefully, Arisia looks back up at him, not at all sure what to do. She still hasn't entirely finished healing from what happened physically and emotionally... Who knows, really.

There are no words.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"Do you need... more time?" he asks carefully.

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

"I think so. I still hurt, Hal."

Carefully, she leans in and kisses him on the cheek.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

He nods.

"I'll give you whatever time you need. When you're ready... I'll be here."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia nods, squeezing his hand. "I... I'm sorry."

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Ari."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

"I want to just allow it to be how it was but I can't seem to do it."

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"It never can be." He looks back to the sun. "Time has a way of going forward. As hard as we try, we can't put things back the way they were. We have to move forward. Fix what we can, and protect what we still have left." He looks back to her. "And build something more for tomorrow."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia nods a bit, "Yeah. I just... I don't know if I like what is in the future. I know I like what is in the past." It seems a bit childish but she's really at a bit of a loss right now.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

He nods. "If you don't make the future you want, then it'll make itself the way it wants." He shrugs, then steps to the edge of the building.

"You know where to find me if you need me, right?"

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

Arisia holds up her hand, showing the ring.

"You too."

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

"Take the time and space you need, Ari." He shrugs and takes to the air, but waves back at her as he goes.

"Take care of yourself."

[elfinlantern.livejournal.com]

"You too, Hal. Please."

Arisia's gaze toward him is pleading.

[lanternslight.livejournal.com]

He smiles back at her, sadly, then is gone in a green blur of light.