Johnny Darlon, on the air

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Johnny: "Welcome back; I'm Johnny Darlon, here to bring you the stories that no one else has the courage to bring you. Our guest today is Professor Aaron Hamil, professor of Mythology at Gotham University, and specialist in urban legends. He's only agreed to come on our show now that he has tenure at Gotham U, so that he has some level of protection from those who are afraid of his theories. Now, Professor, let's turn our focus now to your home town. It a given that the Batman is a real being, isn't he?"

Aaron: "Oh, of course, Johnny. Of course. I've seen him myself... or should I say I've seen 'them.' Now, the government will tell you that Batman is not real. But they say the same thing about the Roswell alien. They don't want to admit that they spliced the genes of that alien with a captured Russian spy to create Superman. I've seen the documents... it's all true. Batman is just as real as Superman."

Johnny: "Of course, of course, Professor..."

Aaron: "Call me Aaron."

Johnny: "Alright, Aaron. Now, I received a tip recently from a couple who were driving on a Gotham freeway, claiming to see a Bat-woman using some sort of jet-pack to attack a secret convoy of nuclear weapons. Now, I've done some..."

Aaron: "It's funny you should mention that, Johnny. I heard a similar rumor. And that there was an explosion later at a secret government medical testing facility?"

Johnny: "Right, right. I've spoken to witnesses to that scene, who were terrified for their life. They claim that the Batman appeared, and fought the Batwoman. They tried to kill each other?"

Aaron: "That's right. Absolutely right. Now, I've had my contacts speak with a sketch artist, and I've got a good sketch of her appearance here. Now, as you can see, the body frame is completely different from the reports of the 'Batgirl' who's been reported in Gotham. And on top of that, the Batgirl has also been reported, sometimes on the same evenings as the Batwoman."

Johnny: "Oh, now this is a wonderful picture. Bonnie? Bonnie, can you scan this and put this up on our website? Thanks. You don't mind, do you, Aaron?"

Aaron: "No, not at all. The people deserve to know the truth."

Johnny: "Great. Bonnie will have that up within a couple of minutes. Hi, you're on the air with Johnny Darlon."

Caller: "Yeah, hi, Johnny. Long time listener, first time caller. I live in Gotham, and I've been hearing about this 'Batwoman.' And I was thinking... remember how there used to be a different Batgirl? In a different costume?"

Johnny: "Yeah, uhuh..."

Caller: "Well, everyone thought she died, right? Because she stopped showing up some time when the Joker was loose? But what if she came back from the dead? And is wearing this costume now?"

Johnny: "Now, that's an intere..."

Aaron: "No, Johnny, that can't be. Why would she want to kill Batman, then?"

Caller: "Maybe she's mad that he replaced her."

Aaron: "No, but you see, that assumes that the Batpeople have feelings like the rest of us. They're government supersoldiers. Clones. That's why the Joker can't ever kill them dead."

Johnny: "But then why haven't they just killed the Joker yet?"

Aaron: "Because the government wants the Joker alive. Because they think he's a tool that they can use. And if he gets loose and kills a few dozen people, they don't care. No, it's clear that this Batwoman is a rogue agent. She somehow gained self-awareness -- perhaps in an attempt to increase the intelligence of the clones. And she's now turning against the secret government projects that create the Batpeople."

Johnny: "Ah, great. Bonnie is telling me that picture is now visible on our website. Go take a look."



Johnny: "Hello, caller, you're on the air."

Comments

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, uh, hi...What sources are you getting all this from? You say 'the government,' a lot but there's plenty of government to go around."

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Johnny: "Well, not all our sources come from the government. I know that, at least with me, I have sources who are witnesses, but who wish to remain anonymous."

Aaron: "Now, the caller raises a valid point, Johnny. There is a lot of government to go around... or at least, that's what they want you to think. The real government -- I'm talking the people who really run things -- there's not much of them."

Johnny: "You're talking about the Illuminati?"

Aaron: "The Illuminati is a smokescreen. It's a joke that everyone knows about know. People were getting close to the truth -- that a small cabal of people, numbering no more than 10, are a force controlling the so-called 'free world.' Lex Luthor is a puppet.... and he doesn't even know who really is pulling the strings. Presidential elections are a farce, meant to keep people from learning the truth."

Johnny: "But the caller wants to know what sort of proof you have..."

Aaron: "Exactly. Of course he does. Because they have succeeded in conditioning us to regard this sort of thing with extreme skepticism. And I approached it with skepticism at first. But then the documents I saw... the people I spoke with..."

Johnny: "What happened to the documents and the people?"

Aaron: "They silence the witnesses. By threat, bribery, or assassination. And they've destroyed all the copies of those documents I've gotten my hands on."

Johnny: "So... does that answer your question, caller?"

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

::The caller makes a confused noise and hangs up.::

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Johnny: "Whoops, sounds like we lost them. Hi, you're on the air with Johnny Darlon."

[gin-n-tectonic.livejournal.com]

voice lowered a bit and speaking through a rough cloth

Hey, Johnny. Longtime listener, first time caller. I was just wondering, the Illuminati, do they keep the Cubs from winning the World Series? Because I read this paper a few years ago, on the Internet, about how they hate Chicago because of the fire that the cow started back in the last century, and that's also why beef isn't really in fast food hamburgers, because the Illuminati hate cows? Is that true?

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "No, because there is no Illuminati! It's a smokescreen for the real organization. They call themselves 'the Government' because they plan to keep people in the dark about the real Government."

Johnny: "Now, but it makes sense, really. I mean, what are the chances that the Cubs are really that bad?"

Aaron: "Oh, slim to none. But it's because when the fire occurred, the city awakened a Native American curse. That's why the Cubs have never won."

Johnny: "So, what about hamburgers, then?"

Aaron: "Well, they use cloned cows. Genetically modified to make people more passive. They're dangerous, they are, and people should stop eating at McDonalds. They'll see when they stop how their bodies have been conditioned to eat there, and how they'll get sick when their bodies purge the toxins."

Johnny: "Alright, then. You're on the air..."

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

Uh ... hi. It's ... it's me again ... You know. Dave. Dave from Bludhaven.

I ... I wanted to talk about the news. About ... about how the Secretary of Educaton ... Jefferson Pierce ... had a "mysterious heart attack" in Gotham the other night. You know, the same night the Prince of Markovia did...

Now ... and I know ... I know people laugh at me for this ... but "people" don't want you to know that Pierce is really an undercover superhero, and that he didn't really have a heart attack.

Y'see... y'see... Jefferson Pierce is really Batman.

There. I said it.

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

.....

*laughter*

Aaron: "Of course he's not Batman. The Government is racist; they'd never allow a black supersoldier."

Johnny: "Look, Dave, you've said everyone is Batman. You've claimed Lex Luthor is Batman. Superman is Batman. Bruce Wayne is Batman. Steve Jobs is Batman. And now Jefferson Pierce? Come on, Dave... really."

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

Y-y-yeah. Figuring who B-B-Batman is tricky. But an account on the Internet shows a picture of Jefferson Pierce in Markovia the same time Batman was seen there with Geo-Force.

I think the racists are the one who naturally assume Batman's white. Jefferson Pierce was a rewarded with political office for all his work as a Batman super-soldier. This is how they're taking over!

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "It's obvious that Pierce is some sort of Super Hero, that's true, but Batman? No, I'm telling you, Hitler's brain is still alive in the Government. He'd never allow it. That's because Pierce is clearly Metamorpho. His powers of shapeshifting allow him to get away with his altered appearance."

Johnny: "Dave, you know I think you're a great guy, but really. You once claimed Shaquille O'Neal was actually Steel. Do you have any evidence for your claims? I mean, there's a lot of truth on the internet, but you need to be careful, because since anyone can put the truth out there anonymously, it also means the people afraid of the truth can put lies out there and disguise them."

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

I ... I saw them all when I was a janitor at Lexcorp ... they used to fly in and out of the penthouse, pretty as you please. The Justice League put Luthor in power. I saw them all up there, but they used magic to e-erase my memories of what they did.

Don't you understand? THE JUSTICE LEAGUE DESTROYED MY BRAIN!!!

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "It makes sense, really. The League is responsible for all sorts of things. It only makes sense that they'd start wiping memories and altering personalities of those people who they don't like, or who are a threat to their power."

Johnny: "Tell you what, Dave. Maybe we can get you on as a guest on the show sometime. If you can uncover any evidence, you'll have a chance to share your full story here, live, on the radio."

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

T-t-thanks, J-Johnny. I ... I had evidence, but the Martian Manhunter stole it. They watch me from the moon.

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "Of course they do."

Johnny: "You wear your tinfoil hat, and call us back when you get your hands on real evidence, Dave. Hi, you're on the air with Johnny Darlon."

[oracle-watching.livejournal.com]

Barbara Gordon Grayson stares at the picture on the website.

Oh, good grief. That's worse than the "Batman costume" that guy tried to rent me that night....

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

Huh?

Dick leans back, pushing away from his workstation in his chair to take a look, and chokes on his Zesti.

[oracle-watching.livejournal.com]

She still looks cranky.

I never wore anything like that on patrol.

A glance at her husband.

If you say, "Darn!" I will tell Mary on you.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

He splutters and coughs for a few more seconds, eventually setting the can of soda down. He looks back at her, his eyes watering. It could be from the carbonated beverage that just went up his nose, or it could be from laughing. Could go either way, really.

...what if I said, "I wish"?

[oracle-watching.livejournal.com]

Barbara considers.

Then we just skip the rest of this conversation and head for bed.

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

He casts a quick, sidelong glance towards the bedroom, then back at her... then raises a foot and pushes himself sharply backwards from the desk.

Race ya.

[faceless-freak.livejournal.com]

"Hello. Tuned in about ten mintues ago."

"While it appears Aaron is at least on the right track, there is an Illuminati. While it seems obvious that they use the name as a smokescreen, that partially true. More as if the smokescreen admittance is the smokescreen. A shield to the shield - don't be fooled."

"Also... have you heard about the flouride yet?"

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "Geez, man, don't let your paranoia get to you."

Johnny: "No, no, Aaron, the flouride is real. What have you heard about the flouride, caller?"

[faceless-freak.livejournal.com]

"Topically applied flouride doesn't prevent tooth decay - but it does render us detectable by spy satellite. Literally, the government can keep track of us. It doesn't have to be by cameras placed all around the country, in nooks and crannies of streets and alleyways. No, they can watch us from above. That's the horrendous truth, isn't it?"

"Tell me, Aaron. Do you use flouride?"

[lexcorp-media.livejournal.com]

Aaron: "Yes, I do. But if what you say is true, I'm probably defended because I line my hairpiece with tin foil."

Johnny: "Aaron, tinfoil only enhances the low-grade mind-control beam effects. The Illuminati invented the rumors about tin foil protecting you, because they wanted to affect those who tried thinking outside the box even more strongly. That's why people who start wearing tin foil hats start acting even more strangely!"

Aaron: "Johnny, how many times do I need to say it? There is no Illuminati. There's just The Government, run by Hitler's brain, Rasputin, Martian Manhunter, and roughly four other shadowy individuals."

Johnny: "And how do we know you're not being programmed to say this by the mind-control beam? You've already admitted you're wearing tin foil..."

Aaron: "You ba*beeep*"

Announcer: "We'll be back to Johnny Darlon after these words from our sponsors. Remember, we check our ads five times, to make sure there are no subliminal messages included."

In the Batcave...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_darkknight_/]

I hate the Internet.

Lord Cobblepot versus the Newspaper Industry

[lordcobblepot.livejournal.com]

Penguin pauses from his ranting phone call, looking at the monitor that Ms. Opal is watching devotedly. Slight blush-she has a thing for the...is that /The Question/ on the phone?

Wait. Joker as a-

"Mr. Pine, edict to all agents. Reduce expansion in Gotham by seventy-five percent, move new gangs and operations into Bludhaven, Hub, and a handful into Metropilis to serve as a fient." Penguin massages his temples. "We can only pray that wherever Joker's hideing out, it does not have cable, kwaa."

Savoring the terrifed look on his agents's faces as just what Penguin's implying sinks in, Cobblepot returns to agrueing with crooked Key West politicans. "?Que lime por favor?"

[martian-manhunt.livejournal.com]

...I run the secret government? Where do these people think of these things?